The author is a partner in the Maria Stein Animal Clinic, Maria Stein, Ohio.

What we have here is . . . failure to communicate.” I remember this line from the 1967 movie “Cool Hand Luke” to this day, though I haven’t seen the movie in at least 40 years. It goes on to propose, “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Communication follows nourishment and shelter as a basic human need. If you watch children develop, they communicate their needs early in life; they want to be heard, then understood. There are people who work as communication directors and some major in communication in college. Communication is a big deal, and we all think we do it, but maybe we are only under the illusion that we are communicating.

As we gather family through the holidays, we should consider if we are communicating or just eating together then running off for another activity that is supposed to fulfill us.

Many methods

In the 50-plus years since “Cool Hand Luke” premiered, even with all we know and all of our modern technology, communication hasn’t gotten better. I would propose that it has gotten worse. We can now talk in person, call, text, email, or use any number of apps, but I would submit that in many ways, there is nothing as valuable as in-person conversations. Even a phone call is lesser because you lose access to body language.

The exception is that written forms of communication give you something to refer back to, but there is still a risk of misunderstanding. I am a voracious note taker and document meetings even if the details may be sketchy. The shortest pencil is better than longest memory.

The strength of in-person communication is that feedback is immediate, and so is clarification. So, there should be less confusion if we are communicating well or not. Other methods can foster the communication illusion, especially if the communication stream is broken. Sometimes, we accept that something is better than nothing, and we leave a voicemail or send a written communication rather than talk. A text may be fine for the message, “On my way in 20 minutes.” It is not fine for anything with great detail or controversy.

Be respectful

Email is the medium of business and professional discussion. I’m amazed that for two years in a row, I have sent emails to veterinary students who could be prospective employees and gotten crickets coming back. If I send 10 messages, I get two replies. How long does it take to type, “Thank you for your interest, but I have other prospects”?

Respect is part of communication. If you don’t reply, you lose the respect of the person who sent the original message or they conclude that you don’t respect them. The person who sent an email is waiting for a response before they do something. No response stops the process or takes you out of consideration. I text a lot, and I really try to reply with an answer of a “K” when appropriate rather than ghosting the sender and leaving them wondering if I saw the message.

Are replies really that important? I would say yes. A decade ago, we worked with an exporter sending 20,000 heifers to foreign countries. At one time, we had nine isolation locations, which were two hours in all directions from our clinic. There were constant logistical considerations and more than a few changes of plans. One of the reasons it all worked is that when you called the exporter, he answered 90% of the time. The other times, he called you back. Did it reward him to do that? Of course, because without that communication, the processing of heifers would have stopped. There were boats and planes to meet. If he made $200 per heifer . . . well, you can do the math.

The same opportunities exist in your business or family life if you improve your communication. You might ask how family communication can be worth millions. I can give you examples where a family communication breakdown cost millions. Communicating with my children and grandchildren is worth that to me, too.

We can all improve

You can improve your communication by using the communication tool you know a person prefers. If they text, text. If they call, call. If they email, email. That is probably the communication medium they pay the most attention to, and you are more likely to get a response. Sending an email to a call-only person is like sending a smoke signal on a cloudy day.

You can determine a person’s communication method of choice by the way they send messages to you. It is also helpful to soften our sometimes-too-abrupt style to elicit a response. Include a greeting like, “Hope you are doing well,” “Thank you,” or “How can I help?”

A set of communications that are common in the dairy business are protocols. Communicating these standards can be challenging, especially if there is a language gap. These need to be written, and then they should be explained. I’m not sure we want all of the “why” in the written protocol, but that needs to be in the minds of those following the protocol or they will take shortcuts. When we write the protocols, pictures are helpful. As we work through the education process, having the student repeat material back to the instructor can reveal misunderstandings or gaps that can result in failure to communicate.

Seventy percent of communicating is listening. Are you listening or just thinking of what you are going to say? Active listening may involve repeating or paraphrasing what the other person said. Busy people try to be efficient, and misunderstandings happen. This costs money and relationships.

The illusion of communication or a failure to communicate is often costly. Resolve to be a better communicator — you have the perfect practice opportunity at the holiday gatherings of people you only see occasionally. Actively listen and repeat ideas back to them to clarify. Step up your responses to electronic communication, and make time for in-person conversations with close family and co-workers over the holidays and this coming year. The rewards of truly communicating are a gift to yourself and to others. Don’t suffer from a failure to communicate.