Nov. 1 2017 07:00 AM

Every letter of the alphabet is represented on the farm.

A. A.I.: No, it does not stand for artificial intelligence, but artificial insemination instead. Yes, it requires a really long glove.

B. B.S.: Not the acronym for a Bachelor of Science, but it is the one thing that can rob you of both your boots and socks while you are in a full sprint without you realizing it until it’s too late.

C. Chalk: Dairy chalk. This is not your mama’s sidewalk chalk. When this chalk is found in the drier at home it has the potential to lead to your face on a milk carton.

D. Disgusting: Specificity is not always wanted. Just know that I once walked into a preschool and the teachers started checking kids’ diapers.

E. Energy: The definition of energy can be physically seen by watching a heifer jump a fence twice her height and make a break for the road.

F. Fresh Date: The day predicted to bring a new life into the world. Yes I am talking about a calf. No, I am not pregnant and apparently it is frowned upon if you make calving comparisons about your wife in the OBGYN’s office.

G. Goal: The goal of a dairy is to provide the most safe, nutritious, and consistent product possible.

H. Heat: Your best friend or your worst enemy. Can refer to the best possible time to breed a cow or the scorching sun that halts the existence of all things fertile.

I. Ingenious: When you can start a tractor with bailing wire, an old toaster, bubble gum, and a paper clip . . . twice.

J. Juice: Any liquid originating from a nut, plant, or other non-mammalian source.

K. Kick: A cow’s kick is a heart stopping force that makes contact with the inner part of your soul.

L. Lists: This is not your typical grocery list. This list is comprised of everything you need to do today, the cows that need the most attention, the equipment that needs fixing, and the time of your kid’s soccer game. This list is the first thing you lose in the morning.

M. Manure: They say the smell of manure smells like money. No. The smell of manure smells like manure.

N. Never: The one word in the dairy vocabulary committed to proving you wrong.

O. Organization: The ability to juggle ten things at once and still look in control.

P. Patience: The one attribute needed amongst all else. It’s normally found at the bottom of a coffee cup.

Q. Quit: The one word that has been erased from every dairyman and woman’s vocabulary.

R. Run: When you are in a pen with a bull and someone yells run, you move like you’re about to be the third monkey on Noah’s Ark!

S. Snow: Beautiful in a Hallmark movie, not so much when the barn disappears.

T. Taste: The most wonderful human sense when used to experience dairy products. This same sense is also the first thing you curse when assisting a calving.

U. Ultrasound: Veterinarians use ultrasounds to check on the growth of a small calf. It is frowned upon when you bring the same one home to check on your own unborn child.

V. Vegetarian: The ancient tribal word for a person who could not hunt, fish, or raise animals.

W. Weather: The ever changing variable that can give you scorching sun, beautiful skies, and blinding blizzards, and sometimes all in the same day.

X. X-Ray: A great concept for dairy cattle but more often than not, it is used because of dairy cattle.

Y. Yellow: Yellow can be a very pretty color, but I cannot think of one instance when the color yellow has been a good sign on a dairy.

Z. Zealous: Farmers are zealous in nature. We do not quit, we power through with tenacity and consistency. We are zealous in the best of ways, always content but never complacent; we strive to better ourselves every day.

Tyler Ribeiro

Tyler Ribeiro is a fourth-generation dairy farmer born and raised in California. He is currently partners with his father at Rib-Arrow Dairy in Tulare where they proudly ship their milk to Land O’Lakes. Tyler is actively involved in the dairy industry, holding leadership roles in various organizations locally and across the United States.