I don’t have kids, but this year, I’ve been doing a lot of farming with my 6-year-old niece and teenagers. It’s made me realize that I owe some of the adults in my life an apology. If I could go back to my years as a farm kid and write one, it would go a little like this.

To whom it may concern,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all the times I whined and complained and made you say, “If you had just started doing it when you started whining, you’d have been done by now.” Because you’re right, I would have been.

I’m sorry for all the times I said I did something when I didn’t. I thought if I said it confidently enough, you’d never find out. But you always found out. And now that I’m older, I understand how. It’s not that hard to see that I didn’t actually clean the stalls.

I’m sorry I was always late. I see now how my procrastinating wasn’t only, at times, detrimental to the animals but just plain disrespectful to the people I worked with. I’m honestly not any more on time than I used to be, but I’ve learned to accept my faults and rely on the people around me to cover them, just as I cover their faults.

I’m sorry that I took for granted at times how special it is to work with and learn from you. I liked to roll my eyes and pretend like I knew what I was doing, but know that even when I wasn’t listening, you taught me so much. When I look back now, I see in between the lines and appreciate those subtle messages even more.

I’m sorry for all the times I made it about me when it should’ve been about the farm or others. But I’m equally sorry for all the times you made it about the farm when it should’ve been about me.

I love you for all the experiences and values you gave me, but I’m also sorry for some of the values you didn’t. I don’t regret the missed parties, family gatherings, or Friday night football games, but I regret how much emphasis was put on the farm. I regret that I didn’t know sooner that sometimes the farm comes second. Or third. Or, heaven forbid, fifth! I appreciate all the things you taught me, but I wish I had known sooner that there’s more to life than the farm.

You made farming my everything. And to be honest, I sort of love and hate you for that.

Love always,

Your grown-up farm kid.

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The author dairies in partnership with her parents and brother at Spruce Row Farm in Pennsylvania. Jessica is a graduate of Pennsylvania State University, and since 2015, she has been active in promoting dairy in her local community. You can find her and her 250 Jersey cows on Facebook at Spruce Row Dairy or on Instagram at @seejessfarm.