Is it just me, or is anyone else constantly torn between feeling like you are at capacity in one moment and then in the very next desiring to do and take on more? Is this what mid-thirties for a woman with a career, family, and ambition feels like, or is it just me?
As many do, I have very high expectations of myself. I know that I am the only one in my way of accomplishing my goals. If something on my list is not getting done, I am forced to admit to myself that it is not a priority. And by “list,” I am broadly referring to things that I feel are important to me — it also includes all the tasks and responsibilities required of me. But just because I identify something as aspirational does not mean I will convert it into action. Many goals have been decidedly abandoned, and some even accidentally forgotten.
Some goals act more like motivators to simply hold myself accountable. Things like fitness, sleep, and reading get thrown in that bucket. They could be optional, but they should not be. Often times I get them done first before I find an excuse to demote them later in the day.
The most challenging part of this dichotomy, though, and perhaps what makes it the most tense is that what feels like our prime time to grow a family is also what feels like the prime time to grow ourselves outside of the home. Growing your career, your farm, leading your community, volunteering to help those less fortunate . . . the list is long and grand!
As I use these metaphors and talk through this, I realize another truth: we can flip channels. All the shows can go on, even at the most popular hour, but it will inevitably divide our attention. It makes me recall one time in high school when I wrote an essay about how, if I had to choose, I would prefer to be proficient in many things rather than an expert in only a few. I equated it to a spider’s web: the more connections, the stronger the lattice. It’s funny to realize that maybe that was foreshadowing my adult life. I want to do a bit of everything as well as I can.
I am not sure where I am even going with this. To this day, my girlfriends and I still bring up the fact that we thought we were so busy in college. Ha! We had no idea then all that we would be capable of managing now! So, if you are in what feels like the thick of it, just know you are not alone. Your accomplishments are worthy in every season, and your bandwidth will not always be limited. And, for the good days, it is okay to give yourself a pat on the back and admit that you are kicking tail. Later it may be kicking yours, but for now just let the smile take over your face and tell tomorrow to bring it on.
The author grew up on a Florida dairy farm, obtained a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering from the University of South Florida and has spent her career in dairy processing. She now serves as business development manager for North America with Bunge. Erin and her husband live in St. Louis, Mo., with their three children. Her personal mantra is “Be Bold.”
